Monday, July 30, 2007
The interview is over. Well, it wasn't too bad since mine barely lasted for 3 minutes. This is the best part, Ms Tang didn't even talk and Mrs Chew basically asked all the questions which were pretty simple to answer and I just answered them. Except that i started laughing to myself when i saw sarah's huge face peering in through the back door, scared the living daylights out of me.
Just that day I was gloating that I didn't have any more major presentations to do. What a wrong statement to make.
1) Jap oral presentation! [ I have to memorise my script! and.. ACT IT OUT]
2) philo presentation [which isn't considered major but it still IS a presentation]
3) Geog rivers presentation [this would be quite rubbish but yes, i still regard it as a presentation]
I just blogged three days consecutively.
And i'm still ill. with a nasty cough and a fever? haha, i haven't checked my temperature yet which quite clearly means that I'm well but yes, i shall go dig my thermometer out from some dingy corner on my cluttered table (:
Sunday, July 29, 2007
my hottest new thing. haha, i'm obsessed with it (:
LG CHOCOLATE :D
ahwell, i wanted a nokia 5300 but well, i'll settle for this. i like slidey phones
Saturday, July 28, 2007
This blog has been so stagnant. Quite often, i enter blogger and i wonder what i'm going to blog about so i just exit the window since there's absolutely nothing to blog about.
Well, now i have something to blog about or rather, there's nothing else for me to do since my mind can't focus on anything right now and basically, i've finished all my homework (:
I'm horridly sick. The sickest i've been in a long while. I guess the effects of late nights are kicking in now. The feeling of just being so vulnerable and weak makes me want to stab myself. I walk around the house feeling like a floating ghost, walking on air. I've done all that i can to recover; pray, eat medicine, drink lots of water, rest a lot (trust me, i've slept A LOT), eat all my meals. Sigh, but my temperature is still on the high side and my throat still hurts after drinking 12 cups of active manuka honey water. ):<
Missing school on monday has it's plus and minuses. PLUS: i can skip that student-leader interview thing. I still think it's an awful waste of time. And, it would be a huge disappointment if i went through so much and not get that badge, maybe it would be better to just skip the interview and not get the badge? hmm. MINUS: i would be missing school AGAIN and that represents a whole lot of work piling up and lessons missed. OH and chinese test. i don't want to stay back to take a test. (and the saddest thing is that chinese is last period so i can't possibly leave school halfway, giving the excuse that i'm sick and skip the student-leader interview thing)
My mind's all jumbled up now and i can't really think in a coherent manner (not that i ever do)
I shall go and sleep some more.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! <3!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. HAHA. YOU ARE THE BEST MUMMY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! AND YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO READ THIS. (:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONG!
YAY. THE PERSON SITTING IN FRONT OF ME! (: MY CRAZY FRIEND. HAHA, YOU ROCK. I LOVE YOU TOO (:
THIS IS A PRETTY BIRTHDAY POST WHICH WILL BE IN CAPS SINCE IT'S IMPORTANT. YAYE.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
I feel so sore and numb now. Somehow, the time and effort that i invested into a friendship has just gone down the drain. I knew right from the start that this friendship was wrong, incorrect but i still went ahead and forged it.
Now that everybody's so busy with work and school, i just feel cheated, angry that i put in so much for this to work out even though i had already expected it to fail. Why did i even begin it, why did i even put in all my emotions, why did i even commit myself?
When everything goes wrong, i'm hurting even more than ever. I don't know how long it would take for me to recover but somehow i trusted so much, told so much, talked so much, shared so much but it still didn't succeed.
I guess we're just on 2 completely different levels and nothing i do now will salvage anything. It's just so hard to sustain it and I don't think i have the energy to try anymore.
It's just so draining to put in so much and yet get nothing back in return, not that i even wanted anything in return. I'm just so frustrated and annoyed now. Why am i even getting so agitated about it. My emotions are going out of control now. A million things are crossing my mind now and i really can't express myself properly in words.
Those feelings of bitterness and guilt and anger are just so prevalent that i was so close to breaking down so many times that maybe it's good that all these is just coming to an end. It's been an emotionally draining period and all these expectations that i have to live up to is not helping at all. It's completely taken over my life and i just want to get rid of it. now.
I wish you could just hurt me over and over again until i feel no pain at all. It's so painful to be just left like this. I know you probably wouldn't be reading this but it's my fault too to even have shared everything about myself with you despite knowing that it wouldn't work out.
My head's exploding, thinking so much.
Why do i need to regret my every move. WHY WHY WHY. I'm just questioning everything right now and I don't know what to do. Now's probably the time to trust that God has a plan and draw strength from the Lord each day as He renews us when we choose to seek Him and wait upon Him.