Monday, July 17, 2006
is it me? or my personality? that whenever i get close to a certain person, it just seems as though i just can't get along with that person ,there is this kind of language barrier that just stops me from saying everything that i had planned on saying. my heart is beating like a train now. i visualise a life long friendship whcih can just be shattered by a moment of words. maybe it is better to be a hermit and not talk to anyone. that definitely beats always arguing and making me annoyed, frustrated, agonised. dah.
some things seem so perfect in my mind, but when i am brought back to the ugly reality of life, i wish that i could be living in my dreams forever and forever. the good dreams. not the nightmares. reality=nightmares. i wanted to call her my " best friend" but how can a person be considered your "best friend" when she screams, shouts, frustrates you all the time?! best friends are hard to get. so it is better to have none at all. lauren. this time i agree with you. best friends are pointless.
maybe friends are pointless in the first place. i think you do NOT even know that i am angry with you but it seems that words are useless now. mixed up feelings are driving me crazy. i cant concentrate on life science or history and i cant sort out my thoughts.
just a few words can actually spark off a quarrel. i dont want to go to school for the rest of my life, i want to escape from reality into the dreamworld where everything can go as i want to and i have no results, no exams, no people observing you and grading you as a person. there seems like nothing i can do now except to pray to the Lord and ask for forgiveness and peace.
i know that everything has been a whirlwind, amidst all the musical practices but is it fair to get angry at me? i certainly do not think so. i have problems of my own too if you hadnt realised. in school, there doesnt seem to be many people i can actually talk to wihtout them running away to meet this teacher, that teacher, do homework etc. this is such an emo post.
it is not just one thing that made me blow my top but a series of consecutive events. which i am not sure what. but well, i guess i will get over it soon, a moody day at school which i am not looking forward to. GAH. i wish it owuld all be over now.
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