Thursday, August 24, 2006
i had no idea that our friendship was this shallow, i had always imagined it to be lasting forever and ever and ever, even when you go to njc, the empty promises that you made to promise to ALWAYS keep in touch, i guess will eventually turn out to be nothing. all these months that we have spent together, gossipping, bitching and eating (: all nothing? just because of one silly incident and one silly teacher?
yeah, maybe this is all that our friendship origninally was, except that i was just too naive to have noticed it earlier. just call me brainless for that is really who i am, someone whom i really considered a friend, a true blue friend, has just asked me to "go and die", i have said that a million times without thinking of its consequences, but now when someone has told me to "go and die" straight in my face, that terror, that confusion of WHY WHY WHY am i living on the earth truly exists. these three words "go and die" actually bears so much meaning and importance of how much a person can hate you, and gracie, i am so sorry that i have said those words to you a thousand times when i was frustrated over iso, these words that i had thought had no impact on lifes.
i have no strength and courage and character to overcome this. maybe if you leave, everything will seem clearer and less bleak, i am subconciously counting down the days before you leave. and well, just about everyone else, for the better or the worse? i am not sure at all. UHHUH. so to tell myself not to take any of the words to heart is a difficult task. there are so many things that i have to overcome in life, that i know, this time it's really complicated. ONE TEACHER. why did you make things to be like that! i am not blaming you, i only blame myself for being the way i am, never thinking before saying things, never considering the feelings of others, only thinking of myself all the time, yes, selfish that's what i am. NOTHING BUT SELFISH.
__________________
