Thursday, August 03, 2006
I KNOW THAT MARKS AREN'T IMPORTANT. AND I ACT AS THOUGH THEY ARE REALLY UNIMPORTANT AND WHATEVER. BUT I JUST just realised how much marks mean to me. after my daddy gave me a long lecture about how important math and science is, i can't help it that i actually studied but my results are like rock bottom. who can i blame except myself. even my normally kind daddy scolded me. how could you? why didnt you study harder? if you know that you are not good at science and math then study twice as hard as other people. why are your classmates able to excel and you get such lousy marks.
i hate it when people bombard me with a whole list of questions. why why why why. how would i know. next time i shall study as soon as i get the test date. but still, i wont be able to do well. this is leading to nothing at all.
when i saw my life science marks today, i was just like. oh. i got c5 as if it is the least important thing of my life. but when i got home, i have no idea why. when i wrote down all my marks, i just broke down. screaming to myself. my maid must have thought that i was insane. i doubt she could hear unless she was in the garden. my neighbour peered at me through the curtain. how rude. and he smiled. what the.
i have a very good way of hiding my emotions? maybe not. even when i failed chinese, i just laughed laughed and it was over. but when i am in the solace of my bedroom thinking about my results, i really can't help it. i know God has a reason for everything he does. but i really tried. and tried. i pay attention in class and i study before tests but why am i not able to perform!!!!!!
1) failed history test
2) got second lowest for physics
3) got 4th lowest for life science
4) did very very badly for english compre
5) failed my jap sakubun even after recorrections, now i got to do re-re-corrections. what a loser i am
6) got 9/16 for a supposedly easy mcq test
what does this show about me. my progress report is going to drop again. and wth. i may not even be able to choose 9 subjects next year. and i took it for granted that i would definitely be able to. ): until mrs poh brought me back to reality and reminded me that if i cant get whatever whatever marks i will not be able to get my 9 subject combination!!
and after a long long lecture, my daddy brought up migration again.in the past he didnt use to be so keen. so what if you have money huh. you can spend your money in singapore for all i care expanding your business and whatever nonsense. i do NOT want to migrate. i also know that singapore very hot and you have alot of business associates and relatives in canada, but i cant bear to leave singapore. and how many of his friends migrated to canada and their children are excelling in their studies there, i wont be able to! though singapore has not much of a future, it is where i was born. and this time, i think my daddy is quite serious. he has collected alot of brochures and everything. he even called up the agent who is supposed to help us get the whatever permit. now he is calling up his relatives in canada to ask them about education blah blah blah. what so good about canada?! i have been there and nothing great what. except that i have alot of long lost relatives staying there. he made me so upset, i stormed upstairs in anger. GRRR. still feeling so pissed at him. why must he bring up discouraging topics when i am already boiling annoyed at myself for not being able to produce results like robotic maisie and grace.
logic: since i cant do well in singapore, if i go to canada i will do well?! NO. so NOT. i cant excel anywhere. FULLSTOP.
stop your nonsense now. sometimes i cant control myself. my mummy is quite neutral on it. >.<
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