Friday, January 19, 2007
i feel pretty depressed that so many people think that lOG is simple and easily understood. i feel so frustrated that i have been on the edge, screaming at the math textbook because i have no idea when to add, subtract and expand and blah. i keep asking mummy and daddy and they kindof get frustrated too that i just dont have the math-love and passion that they both have and sometimes when someone tells you, LOG is really easy, dont worry, it makes you even unhappier that you cant even understand how to do something so easy. my math foundation is really weak and all so i am quite hopeless at almost everything related to math.
i think physics is getting nicer in the sense that ms cheong actually teaches us how to do the experiment instead of letting us do it on our own following the practical worksheet which is pretty ugly and difficult to understand. counting pendulum oscillation is quite cool too, as a matter of fact, it doesnt hypnotise me and i like sarah chua as my bench partner , she's so organised, somehow. BUT, i get scolded all the time for killer-metre-rules. the bench table is so small! then claire's is always so nicely put. ):< i hate my messiness.
during values ed, i was pretty quiet partially because it was after maths and i didnt feel like talking so i just sat in a corner by myself, i think ms cheong was quite right in scolding us, we were like making a din, i said SHHHH too. though the trainers are really no standard, reading off from powerpoints aint a good public speaker but the content is really strong, strong enough to overcome their weakness in speech. knowing whether you are a kinesthetic (ME!), audio, visual learner is quite important and helpful too.
i was really pissed at myself yesterday during training. i just couldnt do my 41s backstroke timing which jiaolian has now told all the coaches. how totally embarrassing! uncle peng wee was like: " wow, you did 41s for you backstroke? keep it up!" then i continue walking and see uncle cheng kiat (sp?) and he says: "are you the one who did 41s for your backstroke and you never swam backstroke before". i was like so embarrassed.
good thing #1: jiaolian wrote my NYAA thing, so now the award diary is done.
bad thing #1: i have NOT done my record diary thingum which i am supposed to write like 4 pages of reflection about swimming?!
(many more bad things coming your way, you can stop reading here if you want to, i just need an outlet to vent my frustrations. urgh.)
bad thing #2: i was the only girl there.
bad thing #3: wan loong was there, he has a really bad attitude.
good thing #2: japher wasn't there.
during sprints, i crashed my head against the wall during backstroke, totally embarrassing and humiliating. i could even hear a collective gasp when i hit the wall. i am still very very apprehensive about swimming backstroke, today, i refused to swim backstroke during sprints, so i just did freestyle all the way. ARRRGH. it still hurts really badly, like the top of my head. i was seeing stars and the tears just couldnt stop and i couldnt even complain to anyone so i just beared (SP?) with the pain and continued to doing freestyle sprints. agh. i wanted to improve my backstroke timing. to at least 40s which sounds better than 41s. and i ate my lunch at 330 so my food couldnt digest before training and when i was training, i felt very very uncomfortable and all, during pulls, i wanted to puke really badly. (i;m not bulhemic(SP?) i still feel very lousy, so i refused to eat dinner(i'm not aneroxic okay, many people have said that i am but well, i;m not).
this morning i felt alot better so i went training early in the morning, couldnt get good timings and so many sports school people today ): i hate feeling inferior. WHY ARE THEY SO FAST and why am i so slow.
on a lighter note, have you ever wondered how you can live a moral life in such an immoral society? i'm reading this book about strengthening our faith and i found this very useful so i shall share it with everyone. we CANT live a moral life, that is, without God's presence, the world is so materialistic and self-centred.
God provides us with so many solutions to this dilemma.
1) He sends us the Holy Spirit. ( trying to live a moral life on our own in this world is futile without the help of the Holy Spirit.) It is His desire to make our lives beautiful and productive by filling them with the fruits of the sprit found in Galatians 5:22-25 if you dont already know.
2) God wants us to maintain an attitude of joy.
in Nehemiah 8:10 " the joy of the Lord is [our] strength" we must live a moral life according to God's standards but it definitely isn't simple. even when things are tough, like now, we can still experience God's joy and we know that He is aware of every detail in our life and trust that He is powerful enough to change any detail of the situation if He wants to. we know that He loves us so much that He will only do what is the best for us.
first Thessalonians 5;18 "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" think about it, how many times have we thanked God in our prayers each morning/night/afternoon? we always ask for things, complain to God about everything and anything but we never ever think about the many many things that God has already blessed us with. learning to trust God in every situation results in joy, the joy gives us teh desire and courage to live according to the standards God has given us.
there are many more, but that's all i'll write today, for you to ponder on and wonder. God's love for us is so mighty and everlasting that we must always give thanks to Him no matter what happens.
it feels really good after complaining about everything.
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