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Sunday, July 01, 2007
I feel so sore and numb now. Somehow, the time and effort that i invested into a friendship has just gone down the drain. I knew right from the start that this friendship was wrong, incorrect but i still went ahead and forged it.

Now that everybody's so busy with work and school, i just feel cheated, angry that i put in so much for this to work out even though i had already expected it to fail. Why did i even begin it, why did i even put in all my emotions, why did i even commit myself?

When everything goes wrong, i'm hurting even more than ever. I don't know how long it would take for me to recover but somehow i trusted so much, told so much, talked so much, shared so much but it still didn't succeed.

I guess we're just on 2 completely different levels and nothing i do now will salvage anything. It's just so hard to sustain it and I don't think i have the energy to try anymore.

It's just so draining to put in so much and yet get nothing back in return, not that i even wanted anything in return. I'm just so frustrated and annoyed now. Why am i even getting so agitated about it. My emotions are going out of control now. A million things are crossing my mind now and i really can't express myself properly in words.

Those feelings of bitterness and guilt and anger are just so prevalent that i was so close to breaking down so many times that maybe it's good that all these is just coming to an end. It's been an emotionally draining period and all these expectations that i have to live up to is not helping at all. It's completely taken over my life and i just want to get rid of it. now.

I wish you could just hurt me over and over again until i feel no pain at all. It's so painful to be just left like this. I know you probably wouldn't be reading this but it's my fault too to even have shared everything about myself with you despite knowing that it wouldn't work out.

My head's exploding, thinking so much.

Why do i need to regret my every move. WHY WHY WHY. I'm just questioning everything right now and I don't know what to do. Now's probably the time to trust that God has a plan and draw strength from the Lord each day as He renews us when we choose to seek Him and wait upon Him.


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